I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
