my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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