i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
