rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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