the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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