Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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