Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
