Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
