I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
