Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
