No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
