She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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