I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
