Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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