I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
