You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
