I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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