Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
