He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
