Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
