Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
