wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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