Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
