he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
