He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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