It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
