Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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