i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to make out with him forever
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
