I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
