Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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