i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
