you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
