I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
