I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
