The maid of honor just puked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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