1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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