I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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