My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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