I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
