I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
