You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
