was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize