hotel room ftw
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
