Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
