Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
