why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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