He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
