she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
