My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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