Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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