history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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